For family and friends

When someone close is struggling, many people feel helpless. That is understandable. Go there, sit down with them and stay for a while.

What does the Jewish tradition show about simply being there?

In the old Jewish tradition, it was customary to visit a person in a difficult situation to stand by them and to shake one’s head in acknowledgement of the hardship that is present in their life right now.

A person who visits a mourner speaks only once the mourner begins to speak (Talmud, Mo’ed Katan 28b).

What do I say to a friend who no longer wants to live?

Listen first. The four points below come from the life-affirming dialogue, each with a sentence to say.

Empathy. Listen without judging. Say, for example: “That sounds very hard.”
A focus on solutions. Ask: “What shall we do in the next hour?”
Strength-based language. Name what the person has already managed, for example: “You called me today. That is good.”
A collaborative tone. Say “we”, for example: “We take the next step together. I’ll stay with you today, and if it gets too hard for you, I’ll go with you to the doctor.”

What do I do in the weeks after the crisis?

Offer help without judging: “What do you need today?”
Listen and take every feeling seriously, for example anger or shame too.
Get in touch on ordinary days too, for example with a short message every Sunday evening.
Tell them about people who have come through a hard time.
Sit down together at the kitchen table and fill in the Next-Steps Plan.

Stay in touch: a short message, a call, a card. Write, for example: “I’m thinking of you. You don’t need to reply.” What research says about such caring contacts can be found on the science page.

Who helps me when supporting someone wears me out?

Supporting someone can take a lot of strength. The crisis lines above are there for you too. Tonight, tell a person you trust: “I’m supporting someone right now. It is hard for me.”

Which pain is at the center right now for the person close to you?

Every person has the right, first and foremost, to be heard and seen – without any attempt to cheer them up or to offer a solution.

Lost my job and money worries

Answer with warmth and without pressure, and work with me constructively. Someone close to me has lost their job and has money worries. Is it understandable that they long for something completely different? How can I be there and listen without offering solutions? What can come once the financial hardship has been overcome? Name scientific studies on this.

Continue with Claude (Anthropic) Continue with ChatGPT (OpenAI) Continue with Gemini (Google) Continue with Grok (xAI) Continue with Perplexity Continue with Microsoft Copilot Search on Google: supporting a friend after unemployment and debt

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Argument with a partner

Answer with warmth and without pressure, and work with me constructively. Someone close to me has had a fierce argument with their partner. Is it understandable that they long for something completely different? How can I be there and listen without offering solutions? What can come once the argument no longer dominates everything? Name scientific studies on this.

Child has turned away

Answer with warmth and without pressure, and work with me constructively. The child of someone close to me has turned away from them. Is it understandable that they long for something completely different? How can I be there and listen without offering solutions? What can come, even while contact is still missing, and what have parents done to keep a door open? Name scientific studies on this.

Lost my job

Answer with warmth and without pressure, and work with me constructively. Someone close to me has lost their employment. Is it understandable that they long for something completely different? How can I be there and listen without offering solutions? What can come once the loss of the job has been overcome? Name scientific studies on this.

Business in a difficult situation right now

Work with me constructively. The company of someone close to me is in a difficult situation. Does it seem understandable, then, that they long for a big change, for a better and carefree life? How can I be there and listen without offering solutions? What surprising turns are possible even in complex circumstances, such as cases from economic history in which business owners achieved a happy turnaround? Back this up with scientific studies and press reports, each with a link. Show me what is invisible at first glance.

Bereavement

Answer with warmth and without pressure, and work with me constructively. A loved one of someone close to me has died. Is it understandable that they long for something completely different? How can I be there and listen without offering solutions? What can come once the first hard time of grief has been lived through? Name scientific studies on this.

Who looks after me while I support someone?

Every person has the right, first and foremost, to be heard and seen – without any attempt to cheer them up or to offer a solution.

Answer with warmth and without pressure, and work with me constructively. I am accompanying someone close to me through a hard time, and it takes a lot of strength. First ask me a few short questions about my situation. Then show me how I can take care of myself and where family members can find support. Name sources and studies for your statements.